Musical Life of Hushgirl

I finally asked my bff a random question ive been shooting other bff to. Lol So I confessed that I have been stalking my ex- soulmate instagram account. I mean how wouldnt i do it? I was already lost n depressed. I thought it wont affect me. Indeed, it did. Fucking hard. But seeing his chubby yet high cheekbones put a smile on my face. You know the feeling when somebody who used to make you happy and hurt on the same time, its twisted yes, but im so glad i am happy seeing him happy! Even my bff agreed he has a nice life. Good job, pretty wife and cutest couple of baby girls. Yes im happy. I never seen my life having all that. Maybe thats the reason. I love you anyways. :) This is the last emotional entry I'll try

This is gonna be the 1st entry of 2018.  I just realized that there was no single entry in 2017. I am not surprised though cuz 2017 was indeed a worst year. And i just couldnt wait to finish it.  Anyway, the post title is actually the song I am currently listening to.  Also, this gonna be the 3rd version of my blog life. The first was 2002 to 2007 I think. I deleted all the post cuz I couldnt deal with the bitterness. Still i cant actually move on if you ask me.  The 2nd part of my blog life was 2008 to 2016. Guess what, there were still some same persons. Bitter became sweet then bitter again.  C'est la vie. So, something happened last week. I came across instagram of my two men I once called my man. Aww, they look happy. There look like they got what they want and yes they look ridiculously happy. At least, happier than me. Well, I know happy is subjective but seeing them happy, I felt happy too. Then I felt lost. Then I emailed Nabil , and he didnt reply

For once in many years, I started to listen to this song. The song I regard as the suicidal song. Yep. How depressing.. Isn't all radiohead songs depressive.. I dunno. It is hard to admit I'm actually heartbroken. For once in many many years I thought I could stay jomblo kayak ginih. Truly I really couldn't live with this one I knew I could never have. And maybe, the one I don't wanna have. You know? But the thought of not having him in my life is really hurting. It is painful, it is like standing in the rain and not feeling wet or cold cause you're dead inside. And you know, it's not love. Yes? Then what it is? I wish I knew. And I wish .... Rain down, rain down Come on rain down on me From a great height From a great height... height... Rain down, rain down Come on rain down on me From a great height From a great height... height... Rain down, rain down Come on rain down on me

If you know my story, or if this blog still has the original entries, you sure do know that how excited I'd be with the second part of this movie. Yes as per the title. Of cuz it was related with my old man. The ex. Not that we used to go to a movie and watched it together, it was my fave even before I met him. Then when we were met, I shared to him all of my fave things. Including this, also the song Tentang Seseorang which I played in the background of our phone conversation in the wee hours. I have no idea when it became his favorite as well. But I know when he started to call me Cinta. Just like the main cast name. Just Lyke the movie, our relationship suddenly ended. I had hard times trying to forget him. Attempting to accept a new guy in my heart was really hard, and moving on?? He was indeed, my first love. And just like the movie too, we had our second chances. And toward the end, I really believe that, that was love. I was in love, he loves me. That was the closure

I wonder what guys were thinking or feeling at the moment they held somebody hands and doing the akad..  Seriously what could be the real feeling?

Maybe he is dead.